morals

recovery

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Zamudio, Ney <Ney.Zamudio@team.telstra.com>
Date: Tue, Apr 29, 2014 at 9:59 AM
Subject: morals
To: "neyzamudio@gmail.com" <neyzamudio@gmail.com>

 

 

From: Conomos, Arthur
Sent: Monday, 28 April 2014 4:44 PM
To: Zamudio, Ney
Subject: Document1

 

 

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Skype: neyzamudio
Cell Peru +51
Cell Australia +61 435.253.029

GOD AND THE BIKER / Some photos - wedding today - Stake Centre

Correspondent: Cira R

 GOD AND THE BIKER

A man was riding his Harley along a California highway when suddenly
the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,

'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways,
I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said,
'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.

The Lord said, 'That request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take!
It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.
I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time.

Finally, he said, 'Okay, I wish that I, and all men, could understand
our women ; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking
when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she
means when she says 'nothing's wrong', and how I can make a
woman truly happy.'

And the Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?'

FW: Y llegó ese día que predijo Einstein . . . ! ! !

Corresponsal: Freddy G

: Y llegó ese día que predijo Einstein . . . ! ! !

 

 

 

Una taza de café Charlando en el restaurante Disfrutando LA BELLEZA del Museo Encuentro agradable en la cafetería Gozando un dia de playa En el estadio..apoyando su equipo Divirtiendose con la novia Disfrutando la ciudad en convertible Albert Einstein: "Temo el día en que la tecnología sobrepase nuestra humanidad. El mundo solo tendrá una generación de idiotas. "

 

 

 

 

 

 

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El celular

Correspondent   Vicky
Sydney

From: victoria gutierrez-watanabe
Date: 2011/12/5
Subject: FW: El celular

 

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FELICIDADES ! !

 

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En pleno acto sexual, una viejita le dice a su marido: --¡Parecés un celular! El viejo dice: --¿Vibro mucho? --No. . . ¡al entrar al túnel se te cae la señal!

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Skype: neyzamudio
Cell Peru +51
Cell Australia +61 435.253.029

Saliendo con otra mujer

Correspondent - Ida M

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From: noreply@authorSTREAM.com
To: mylatinoz@hotmail.com
Date: Wed, 16 Nov 2011 05:01:47 -0600
Subject: Presentation Uploaded Successfully

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The Donkey in the Well

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From: cirarobinson@hotmail.com
Subject: FW: The Donkey in the Well
Date: Wed, 9 Nov 2011 11:51:26 +0000

 

 

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One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realised what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

 
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
Live simply and appreciate what you have.
Give more.
Expect less

NOW .......
Enough of that crap. The donkey later came back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.  The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

 

Martin Robinson

         

Little Hodiaki AO (aussie version)

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From: cirarobinson@hotmail.com
Subject: FW: Little Hodiaki AO
Date: Wed, 9 Nov 2011 11:58:53 +0000

 

 

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The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodiaki  a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775', he said.

'Very good!'

 

Who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'
Again, no response except from Little Hodiaki, 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'.

 

'Excellent!', said the teacher continuing, 'let's try one a bit more difficult...'
Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?'
Once again, Hodiaki's was the only hand in the air and he said: 'John F. Kennedy, 1961'.

 

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Hodiaki isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.' She heard a loud whisper: 'F . . k the Japs,'
'Who said that? I want to know right now!' she angrily demanded.
Little Hodiaki put his hand up, 'General MacArthur, 1945.'

 

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glared around and asks,  'All right! Now who said that!?'

Again, Little Hodiaki said, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

 

Now furious, another student yelled, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Little Hodiaki jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouted to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'

 

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

Little Hodiaki frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the child witness testifying against him, 2004.'

 

The teacher fainted.

As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, We're screwed!'

Little Hodiaki said quietly, 'The Australian people, 2011.'

 

 

    

 

Latex globes story

Correspondent: Cira R

Sydney

Next time you use a pair of latex (gloves), you're going to smile when you think of this: 
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. 
'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked. 
'No, I don't,' she replied. 
'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.' 
She didn't crack a smile. 
'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought. 
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing. 
'What's so funny?' he asked. 
'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!' 
(Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!)

Be afraid of old ladies! Be very afraid!

They have been there and done that!

What worries me is that I can't remember going there or doing that.....!!

El caso de la monja con hipo

From Correspondent -- Cira R, Sydney



Una monja va al médico con un ataque de hipo que ya le dura un mes.

- Doctor, tengo un ataque de hipo desde hace un mes que no me deja vivir. No duermo, no como, ya me duele el cuerpo de tanto movimiento compulsivo involuntario.

- Tiéndase en la camilla, hermana, que la voy a examinar – dice el médico -.

La examina y le dice:

- Hermana, está usted embarazada. La monja se levanta y sale corriendo de la consulta con cara de pánico.

Una hora después el médico recibe una llamada de la madre superiora del convento:

- Pero Doctor, ¿qué le ha dicho a la hermana María?.

- Verá madre superiora, como tenía un fuerte ataque de hipo, le di un susto para que se le quitara y supongo que ya se le habrá quitado, ¿no?.

- Sí, a la hermana María se le ha quitado el hipo,

pero el cura se ha tirado del campanario.

El Metiche

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To: mylatinoz@hotmail.com
Date: Wed, 16 Nov 2011 04:34:38 -0600
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